Modern Romance

I was talking to a guy at a party once and he was telling me how he insists on taking things slowly with any girl he dates. For example, he thinks it’s appropriate to wait up to 6 weeks before getting to the laying down, making out stage with the girl he’s seeing. After saying this, he was mocked mercilessly by some nondescript drunk guy, but I gained much more respect for him.
(Though, I have later found out that despite this, he’s not so much the sensitive catch this above statement would lead you believe, if you go by the words of his best friend… which I do happen to go by)

Still this made me think about how much things have changed when dealing with someone you are attracted to as you get older. It seems that we are all too ready to jump into bed with someone we have been making eyes at in order to convince them, and perhaps ourselves, of our attraction to them.

I miss the days when there was a build up to sex. The good old days when you were with a person for long enough to find out if you actually like this person for who they are and what they think, before finding out if you liked them in bed also. It seems to me that these days we jump straight to the sex; and we like that with the person, so we try to make everything else work from there. Is this really the way to build healthy, lasting relationships? Or are my ideas of romance and compatibility outdated?

I miss the days where hand holding was a thrill. I miss the days where the first kiss you share with someone was while you are sober, in the light of day, away from pounding music. I miss the brilliant dance that is two people getting to know each other as people and then taking things from there. The back and forth of conversation, ideas, the lending of books, the making of mixed tapes, watching the movies you love so much and have talked up to great heights, the flurry of text messaging, desperate to find out more details about one another. Where did that go?

Is it that we are simply too busy to invest the amount of time needed to actually get to know another person? Have our demanding lives made us jump straight to the height of romance and into bed before it’s actually our time?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my past relationships lately. The majority of my relationships ended because our time together ran out; we grew apart; we wanted different things in life. Very few of my relationships ended in a long, drawn out, horrible for everyone one involved and their friends kind of way. In fact, only my last relationship ended that way. And it may be for that reason I’ve been thinking so much about how relationships play out these days, not just for me, but for my friends also. It may also be the reason why I have chosen to stay single for a while now instead of jumping back into something new to prove I don't know what to me and whoever it watching.

I want to stay solo for a little while, until I meet someone who I want to hold hands with. I want to meet someone I can talk to about lots of things. I want that exciting build up to the first kiss; that indescribable funny feeling in my tummy when I’m on my way to meet this person. I want someone who is OK with taking things slow and getting to know who we actually are before “sealing the deal” to be completely crass about it.

I think the guy from the party had it right, even if he seems to have the sustaining the relationship part a bit off (if you are to believe his best friends).

Really, what is the rush? If you like the person and you want to continue seeing the person, what’s the harm in waiting for moments? When I think about it like that, life seems awfully dull when things are rushed, what is there to build up to?